When you factor in the aces that are of a gender individual A is romantically attracted to and are attracted to A's gender as well, the statistic for how many asexuals there are also lessens. It would be interesting to see the statistics of that program. Do you think the bolded statement is something really unlikely to happen, or what? Your calculations reflect my experience. I do not mean to say that the event of a sexual entering a relationship with an asexual they already formed a bond with is rare, only that that event is the most likely situation where a sexual will date an asexual and that it will be less likely on a dating app where you can be picky before developing bonds with people.
Dating sites are far from being the only way to meet other people, though and quite frankly, I can't recommend them anyway People still thought that my orientation was something they could magically influence and turn me into a sex beast. I'm grey ace, so they thought they could banish the "ace" part I guess and work on the sexual part until I'm at a "satisfactory" level. Even if other types of bonds formed, at some point the sex issue destroyed everything and I'm not even sex-repulsed! My last partner at the beginning seemed disinterested in sex, we were compatible in so many different ways and I loved spending time with him, but at some point he mentioned "I really thought I had a low sex drive, but with you it all changed In the end he went pretty much sex-crazy and I felt very uncomfortable with it and ended it all.
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He wasn't happy, I wasn't happy, it didn't make sense to live with that tension. I wouldn't want to risk that again and I'm hoping to date asexual people in the future or just stay single and surrounded by good friends. I know the math is pretty discouraging, but I'm not giving up. Now that I remember there were more people from my country in the asexy community, but in another forum, although all of them way younger than me: And here I went into this thread thinking it was going to be about an ace who was in a happy and loving relationship with the concept of mathematics.
As someone who's been romantically shipped with their math textbook by other people since high school, I'm a little disappointed.
I knew it, and I did similar calculations, but I don't remember it being articulated so well before. Thank you for starting this thread! I'm not exactly sure where the connection between 'asexual dating math' and being self-sufficient actually is.
Yes, the math might be somewhat accurate and the advice is well put. But in which way are these related?
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As it has already been put out, sexuals face the same task of being self-sufficient. Similar to a quote by Charles Baudelaire Aces have no plan B; this has pros better motivation and cons a bigger risk of misery if the career doesn't go well. If your main goal is to find someone who takes care for you, being asexual is probably one of the lesser obstacles while looking. I certainly wouldn't want to be in a relationship where my main purpose was to take care for someone who can't take care of themselves.
Sure, bad things happen and one day one partner might actually become dependant on the other, but that works both ways or whatever the number of people involved in this relationship is. YOU might be the one required to care and provide for your partner. A partnership should never be about the prospect of being a burden for someone. This wouldn't be going anywhere and I'd be seriously pissed if I found out about that, regardless of my sexual orientation.
Just to be clear, it's okay to depend on someone if bad things happen and it's okay to rely on your partner in this case, but I can't even begin to express how much I despise the idea of "looking for someone to care for me" if "the career doesn't go well" or anything similar. This isn't looking for a partner, it's looking for someone to fill the potential spot of a nurse. I really, truly hope that you're not being serious here. The problem is, when one is single, then bad things hurt more, and those who're going to stay single for a long time, and don't have enough helpful friends, have to be robust.
By 'take care of' above, I meant primarily 'take care of at those times when bad things happen', though there are families where one of the partners is a full-time homemaker. Being sex-repulsed is indeed not the biggest challenge at finding a partner, but it can be a serious challenge nevertheless. Easier said than done perhaps but people should never put all their emotional eggs in one basket and expect just one other person to help take care of them. There are many, many romantic asexuals and people like me who aren't compatible with the vast majority of the population so generally have a bit more luck seeking love over a distance, and the vast majority of aces I know from AVEN who now have happy relationships all began as long distance relationships.
Have you met many people here who are in relationships? Because I know quite a few couples from forums and chat who are all madly in love but living in different countries from each other, or at least met over AVEN while living in different countries and now live together.
Also, dining in restaurants and attending live music etc. You can go out to dinner or go dancing or whatever with any friend if you're into that sort of the thing but if someone who lives 10, miles away is the only one who can give you the love it is you desire which is something emotional, not physical then it's a happy sacrifice to make - especially if you're not that fussed on physical contact to begin with.
I'm not sure how many romantic relationships you have been in, but for many people it's not really something cold and calculated that you can work out mathematically. Often there is no rhyme nor reason to romantic love, and your body just wants who it wants even that person is on the other side of the world and once you've fallen for them - well, you're stuck with those feelings!! If they feel the same back, then you're both quite fortunate and can enter a relationship together where you can enjoy those shared feelings for a time. Love usually works more along those lines, it's not really something you can force to happen a specific way.
The whole 'remaining single' thing is a lot easier if you're someone who doesn't already actively develop those overwhelming feelings for people spontaneously which, for many romantic people, is how love happens. Very few people could actually be happy doing something like that, but for those who CAN, they'd end up with much more stable long term relationships.
Love itself doesn't work like that though, it's often a very spontaneous, very overwhelming set of pleasurable emotions that can hit you no matter how in-compatible you are with someone which is how asexuals keep ending up in relationships with sexuals even though it would be much easier to remain single and not have to have sex - but the love dictates the actions in many cases! Having had this convo many times before on AVEN, I know that for people on the aromantic-type spectrum, this can often be a difficult concept to accept - they're often like ''you can't love someone who you're not compatible with, life just doesn't work like that!!
Also, I know you're not saying you're actually aromantic, just that you haven't met someone who ticks enough of your boxes for you to fall for them, but generally someone who doesn't experience that 'spontaneous' type love which many romantic people have experienced at least a few times by the age of around 30 is at least closer to aromantic than romantic, even if there's still a possibility you may fall for someone someday!
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